Boba Fett Sucks

There, I said it. Got it off my chest and it feels good.

I thought about this off and on for a few years, but figured too much time has passed to discuss. But then again, I have a blog and need to discuss nerdy things, so why not.

Boba Fett sucks.

And not in a “Sucks cause he’s such a badass and did something to Star Wars character that upsets me.”

I mean “He sucks because he’s worthless, terrible and a really bad bounty hunter.” Sucks.

I’m not crying, you’re crying

Okay, the above clip proves my point, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

First, I’m only referring to the movies. The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Oh, and also where he’s digitally inserted into A New Hope as your token “Oh cool, there’s Boba Fett, walking around.” pander.

Let me pause here for fan-wankery

So, let’s clear something up first. Growing up, I loved Boba Fett. I get it. He was cool. Mysterious. A bazillion little gadgets and weapons on him. Had a jet pack and could fly!

I mailed-away for the action figure. I dressed like him for 2 years for Halloween (I so wish I could find those pictures to scan) I had the poster of him in my room, you know, the one where he’s firing his flamethrower? I mean, on the surface, he just oozes of badassery.

Poster in question

But as the saying goes, you can’t judge a book by its cover.

I mean, what did he do, other than be all mysterious? He caught Han Solo? Let’s actually look at that:

So he, along with other bounty hunters were hired by the Empire to find the Millennium Falcon. (Okay, by first issue is, how can he be a bounty hunter, if he’s working for Jabba (re: A New Hope fan-clip) and if he’s working for Jabba, wouldn’t he be looking for Han already? Novels and comics aside, he could be the bounty hunter from Ord Mandel, Han mentions in Empire. But again, if he’s such a badass, he would’ve caught him, right?

So Fett’s hired on Palpatine’s dime. Vader even give specific instructions to Fett saying “But I want them alive. No disintegrations.” Why? Why no disintegrations, when it’s obviously he wanted them captured.

I speculate it’s easier to kill/disintegrate than capture and take them in alive. So he takes the easy way out. Maybe he only takes Dead or Alive bounties and no Alive only bounties, ’cause he knows he’s not up for it.

Vader: Don’t cop-out and take the easy way

I will give him this. He knew enough about Han to know about the garbage trick. But really, that’s about it. All he did at that point is follow him, then tattle back to the Empire.

Just follow that real bright light…

And that’s another thing. He told the Empire where they’re heading. Vader didn’t say “If you find them, let us know but don’t engage.”

No. He said, “There will be a substantial reward for the one who finds the Millennium Falcon. You are free to use any methods necessary, but I want them alive.”

I want them alive. Indicating bring them to me. Not tattle. Why? See the above about the disintegrations. He can’t handle it alone.

Then there’s Bespin/Cloud City. Again, his ineptness.

At the dinner, who do you see when the doors open? Vader himself. Fett didn’t even come out until the coast was clear from the firefight.

It’s okay, you can come out now.

So…who captured Han and the others? The Empire. Oh, Fett told them where they’re at but he should’ve gotten maybe a finder’s fee and not the bounty.

The Empire captured the Falcon and crew.

The Empire froze Han in Carbon

Vader had to stop Boba from shooting Chewie because apparently, that’s all he knows to do.

The Empire gave Han to Boba to transport back to Tatooine

The Empire even gave Boba two guards and two Stormtroopers to escort him to his ship. He can’t even take care of an ice cube himself.

Here’s your reward for telling on people. What? You can’t transport a hovering inanimate object yourself? Okay, how about I give you four armed men? Would that make you feel safer?

So show me in the above his badassery? I’ll wait. No? I can continue? Good.

So now, we get to his first fire-fight with Luke. If, even that. Not sure of the point of this. If he shot at Luke, Luke would follow him, right? This isn’t a side-quest to lure Luke to the freezing chamber. He was taking Solo to his ship and taking off.

Let me peek around a corner and take a pot-shot at you.

So, a few shots. Missed (purposefully?) and continued. Not 100% sure of this scene, except to show Boba can shoot?

Afterwards it’s just him telling the guard to store Solo and taking off while being shot at.

Again, just doesn’t scream at me he’s a baddass.

And now for the ringer: Return of the Jedi.

We first see him in Jabba’s palace. I get that. Finished a job and Jabba might have asked him to stay as a guest. Him being there isn’t the issue (Unlike the assumed Jabba employee as altered in ANH)

I will say, showing restraint from blowing Bousch/Leia away when she activated the thermal detonator. He was quick on the trigger when there was a real threat. Even a bit of professional nod her after the altercation. And why not? Known for disintegrationing things, and here she is ready to blow everyone up along with her. Nice. But really, that’s it for him there.

Ready to disintegrate

And finally we have Jabba’s sail barge. This could’ve turned things SO much around for him. And he started off well. Rose to the deck, saw what happened, jet-packed to the skiff Luke was one, yea his rifle got sliced, but he responded by using a sort of tangle-cord on Luke instead. Like I said, a good redeeming start.

Then of course, he falls over like a punk. I mean, yes there’s an explosion, but what good is that armor if it won’t absorb some of that concussion blast? And he didn’t just fall over, he fell and planked. Just stiff and laid there a few seconds.

Now, this last scene I’m about to blog about. I get it. It’s not a Boba Fett movie. It’s a movie about its heroes, Luke, Han, Chewie, Leia and Lando. They wrote themselves into a corner. I even saw an interview saying they just needed to move the story along, which is why he went out like a punk. I mean, does anyone know of an incident where you hit something and it malfunctions by activating it?

Ah yes, the trope of hitting something to make it work

So, a blind Han, performs a Laurel & Hardy skit by unknowingly turning his body and the 2×4 board, I mean pike hits Boba Fett for comedic appeal.

So, Han hits Boba, Boba hits side of Sail Barge, Boba gets ‘eaten’ by Sarlaac…aanndd queue the comedic belch.

Out like a punk

And that’s it. Done. Finite.

Oh, I know there’s plenty of post RotJ stories involving him. How he escaped and all that. But until I see it on the silver or small screen, I stand by this.

He’s bAAAaack! Wait, he’s now part of the EU. He’s still in the sAAARLaac!

Now, I Might have to eat crow on this. Rumor has it Boba Fett will appear in Season 2 of The Mandalorian. Who knows if this will redeem him. We’ll have to wait and see (and thankfully, Season 2 is still scheduled for October!)

But right now, Boba Fett sucks. Fight me.

2 thoughts on “Boba Fett Sucks

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